Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
