please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
