I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was like getting head from an anaconda
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
