Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
