You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize