It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
