You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Green mimosas i think yes
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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