We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
