Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I understand Curling. That high.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize