I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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