You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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