I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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