all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
