She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
