in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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