he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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