Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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