i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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