im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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