I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
FUCK WHALES
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
