Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
