I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
