I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
