There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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