Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
