Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
