My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
