I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
