from now on my penis is your penis
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
