You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
