I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize