I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize