Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
