it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize