it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
