There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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