I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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