Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
