the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
