Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
