Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
