I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
