In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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