Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
