I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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