she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
