That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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