Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think my nap took me to another dimension
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
