I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just sent this text using only my big toe
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
