New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
