I don't think we should have started that trash fire
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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