I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize