im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
