hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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