Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize