Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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