I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
this is an emotional support booty call
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
