i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
