I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
