I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize