I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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