mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
