im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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