Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
