He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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