im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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