i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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