My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize