just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
