There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
