dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
