I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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