Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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