Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
