Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
