dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
