I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
