you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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