how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
