people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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