So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
