i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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