Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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