walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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