she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
