I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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