I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
