Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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