If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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