how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
