Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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