Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
