soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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