it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
