Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
