I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
