It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
