I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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