She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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