one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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