i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
last night I used snow as a chaser
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
