Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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