the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
